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Photo(558)
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my new ear rings =)

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finally taking picture not in Sch U and hmm much better posing ba.. ha..
hee.. and can wear my new green skirttt =) yup!

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sob.. supposingly today yesterday and tml would be the days where i enjoyed the most but.. i have to fall sick.. so sick yesterday. just came home from the docs. and my degree from 40+++ drop to 39 le. i thought i was feeling better didnt realise how hot i was. ahh.. caught the stupid virus from my sis. end up i have to cancel the swimming plans today and meeting kel tml. arggg. i really wanna meet up!! aRGGG..i cant even study well now.. keep sneezing and headache. waiting for the time to pass by as quickly as possible so i can see him.


YesterDay:
as usual met yang for breakfast at his house, then maybe send me to sch den after sch meet him to celebrate our 9 mths. and he really gave me a surprise jus as he promise! ha i love the gift a pinky goodies box inside full of all the food i like, got amos cookies, chocolates, cashew nuts, etc etc and a baby "bip" (dont know how to spell but supposingly for kids who dont know how to eat their food) and a pencil case. such a small gift with so much thoughts into it. hee.. really so sweet and thoughtful

but then i start feeling feverish so i stayed at his house with his mum then go out in the noon. dont know for whatever little arguement i started crying and wanting to go home.but luckily i didnt really dont want to spoil such a good day since we both dressed up. sigh.. so long never dressed up for dating le.

bought ear rings, a top, take neoprints then bought movie tickets from cine.
ate alot of snacks at Taka.. no wonder slimming pills will never work consider the rate at we are eating. our plan of eating "tian tian huo guo" or "suki sushi" was cancelled. bcos my throat was getting worse. and feeling more n more unwell.

we caught "Red Candy", saw kel's blog then thought of watching it too. ya the plot was really crap. dont know how many ghost in the whole story. some sort of gothic scence like the evil within urself is reawaken or sth. i didnt enjoy the show i was freezing and dying inside. finally after dinner i couldnt take it anymore even after eating the panadol. it jus doesnt work. end up spend money on cab and rush home to rest. and the whole day yang was so sweet and zhao gu wo.. dont know how to live without him.. so many things need to depend on him. =)


yes the word is actually "hate"
i manage to get thru the whole week without really speaking any words to them. everyday's time table is to mug in sch until 5 then meet yang then eat dinner, study again. until 9+p.m is time to go back. a much better way to avoid them and having pieces of work thrown to me. i dont wanna go insane anymore. the whole world may give up on me at least some doesnt. at least he always stand by me. i'm not that poor. i'm the richest girl


school was great. dont know. all these crappings in sch with them cheer me up so much. i think i might love sch more than any other places. Anyway ... going meet him for breakfast.. =)


HaPPY 9mths DEAR!
gonna have fun today =)


they are nothing
i wish i could believe in that
the closest ones hurts the most
the outsiders knew nothing of my woes
least, my trusted mates would do, hear me out and trust me most
i'm so sick and tired
i'm not coming back anymore


You don't hear my tears
Cause I cry in the dark
Where no one can see me
When no one can hear me

You don't see my fears
Cause I hide them from you
Hide them from the world
And sometimes from myself

And you won't bring me out
Bring me out of pain
Because I'm only bleeding internally
Never letting it show
And pain I've hidden
Fears I've driven deep
Tears I've swallowed and supressed
So only I can see
The bleeding internally


it might jus be another day.


sometimes life gets too tiring.i wonder whether i ever lived today at all?
i was really tired after so many things been going on. the dogsss. yang. school. everything. my sister was really crappy. had such a time getting along with her today. i seriously dont know wats wrong with her. maybe i refused to go shopping with her. haix. i would if i had the energy!


yest was studying at the library. and i glad i make the first step in working hard. and sometimes i just drift away and wonder how much fun and pleasure we could have instead of burrying my head into these books. but a level is just few mths away. i reaally should make an effort now! like what mrs wee had said.. urgently need to focus on studies -_- hmm..


was watching the superstars replay since i didnt get to watch leon's performance that day. and this time round, he did his best and really his singing has improve so greatly and i just see such a great change in him compared to the past. really wasted that he didnt get in. but i guess he has win the hearts of many. and i felt really sad la. not just sad for a friend but really reckon the qualities of his singing. and not just me but many ppl have came to share their comments abt him etc.


i'm so stressed up now. i want to go out badly. but i feel such a huge stone in my heart all these pressures. even when i'm swimming i dont feel free at all. i hope next week we'll stick to our study plan.please! i need the drive!


whatever whatever whatever.
all of a sudden, i lost interest again in anything. perhaps i took an interest in studying now. which is good, right? and i feel so frustrated that i left one of my tys in sch and the other at his house. which i really have no intention of getting it now. but i wouldnt want to miss the remedial of tml's.


maybe i should spend all my time indulging in gothic lit. etc. and my maths hw and chinese writings. and maybe i'll get a place in NUS. and the rest? i might as well throw every thing out of my sight. since there's no place for me else where.


OH just leave me alone.


it all didnt turn out well at the end of the day


Sunday... all plans were almost considered cancelled due to:
1) bad weather
2)tiredness
3)lack of sleep


i' feel so sorry.. that i have to spoil the day okay. even though i wont say it entirely my faults but i could have been more understanding..hmm.. we had fun swimming in the morning. had fun eating at beach road - honestly the food is damm nice and cheap. =) we had fun shopping at arab street. we had fun living in our cute little own world. we had fun. but - i started off dressing really prettily for the morning and he didnt make an effort. he was so tired he could barely smile at me when i made a considerable effort to look nice for the day. then again we didnt really go to town or go anywhere and i know he sort of worried abt his project. i start feeling tired and sick. bcos i was plainly disappointed. i am tired i have tons of work at home too but at least i try to enjoy and cherish the time well spend together. so i dont know how i can laugh and cry and sad and happy all together in the same day. all my mood swings..sighh.. and i have to hurt him with my mean words and stuff. blaming him for not cherishing the "moments" hmm..


but it all turn well bcos we are sorry that we hurt each other un-intentionally. he thought i would become cold and left him bcos i wasnt really interested in anything anymore. and i thought he would find me too troublesome. so we learnt our lessons that we should plan well if not we always feel so tired. and yes we are going to the zoo soon. really. and maybe i have to cancel my trips to msia.and we have bbq plans.


Qi really shocked me to pia for my A level. and not leave my grades dangling like that. perhaps i should really do sth abt it. but all my effort are now thrown onto only one subject -lit - which i really struggling with it. every brain cells burn into trying to finish diff essays. sigh..wat abt maths? i dont know anything abt it. and chi- forget it.. all plain memorising. aRggg....


wake me up please!


" Carpe Diem "
which means seize the day in Latin..

just finished the whole outline for my re-examination. sick -running nose..ewww. i'm going to seize the day! i'm going out. yes right now.



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Originally uploaded by toto-chan.

this is yang's fav! but i think my shirt is a little toooo big.. lol

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Originally uploaded by toto-chan.

the girl i missed.
i wish there's a way to erase hurtful memories of people who hurt you and start all over again. but no. there wont be such a way. to forgive but can you forget? i wish there's a way to glue back the pieces that shattered and fallen all over the place. but no. it's broken.


but somehow in my heart. i wish things were back to normal. i wish i can look at you in the eyes. and talk as per normal. i wish i dont have to hide my secrets from you. and bare my soul like i used to.


i wish all the good things for you. bcos / i wish you be happy bright and cheerful. like a sun who have shone light in my life once.


that's you.


do u know how hard it is for a girl to really say "i love you"?
just watched this show"women are from mars" abt how this 3 guys who disrespect women, toy with their feelings etc and are send to hell. they are send back to earth but are punished by removing their dicks. they have to get the women they love to say "i love you" to them and so they will return to their normal self. hmm.. and the whole show was sad bcos' the guy still try to force the girl without truly understand her feelings. ai.. but of cos sweet ending. but really.. how much do guys really know abt women?


m y day to day -
so sad so sad..
i didnt breeze thru' my chi oral exam as i thought i would.
okay i was pretty fAST! fast in leaving the examination hall. sucks! the passage was managable then the qns was too difficult and ya i know nuts abt local movies or production. i just went blank, stutter and silence. i know these are not the best options but well what can i do?


so i went to comfort myself with food. headed town with yang to Paragon for our xiao long bao. luckily "Ding Tai fung" was not that crowded like always. i ordered the xiao long bao, yam long bao, fried rice with prawns, and he add on the little veg, braised beef noodle soup without the beef. Yummy!~ i'm so happy that he like the food. cos we never really been to a chinese restuarant except the last time we ate was a porridge buffet at suntec. and ya often eat "zu cao" at kopi diam. but this was different. i jus love the service bah. even though qi argued that crystal jade is better. but no matter what this time round we spend 35+ eating there which is like half the price when we eat at sWensen.


we took neoprints at heeren. it turned out pretty okay but sad to say we wasted the ten bucks cos' the end result is that we dont know jap words and chose the wrong format for the pics. so it came out too small to view for pleasure. sucks!

then we shop and shop the whole of heeren and taka and wisma. almost the entire place. and i couldnt find anything i like. but we had chocolate coated strawberries, mashmellow and apricots at Taka. and Italian Gelato too =) lemon and hazalnut flavour. ok enough of food n chocolates. i thought i would puke after consuming so much food. seriously, i never grow thin bcos of such eating habits hee. love makes me hungry =) so happy we shop and yang as usual so patient can wait for me to try on so many clothes. Forever21, Zara, Fox, i just could not find anything. and Zara is like totally empty. everything on sale is gone!so disappointed - my last destination was far east.


and! Yang bought me this baby doll light green dress which he says look really cute on me. so i got myself something finally! =) not so sad abt my exam loh. haha. oh well... wanted to stay over at his place. but sad enough. my sis jus couldnt agree with it and start lecturing me. hmm..somemore yang need to wake up early for work so he couldnt stay over at my place either.


sigh. Miss lam gonna call mum up tml and talk abt everything of me in school. what heck, i'm going swimming tml morning and finished up my work by evening. and hopefully get to see yang. i'm so hell busy with so much things and so does him. qi ask me do i miss him if i dont meet him like that. but i guess i do but to a certain extent i am independent. i have him in my heart i dont feel alone like i always do. we have each other's support and love that will always be inside us. moreover, i meet him every single day. i dont mind if i dont get to see him a day or two. there are times where i need space too. dont keep worrying abt me. i'm not all that emotional to go bersak over every single thing.
i'm just a girl =)


dreamt abt her a few days ago. all those memories that were lost and turned into dust. whats a soul mate for ? to break a heart.


qi and i planning and planning. all the food is what we think about. and the plans for after As. school days getting better. i shouldnt have place neg. thoughts in my mind in the first place. it really should be a happy place. lots of plans to make. study study study.

cnt believe i jus puke again. better not fall sick for tml. and its' swimming again! =)


what am i concealing? my exteriors hides whats not inside.
masks of joys and tears of sorrows. who knows when your not feeling right?
i seek and i hide. for a perfect solace.
a place of comfort where i could rest.
they mock they laugh. sticks and stones may break my bone,but words they say "could never hurt me".
they scorn they doubt. thats bcos they'll never been there. all those Craps
my life this stage this play this role - so hard to break away
my pride... do u know?


my babe - it's hard to live up to the expectations of others. everyone struggling with it. but loosen up and we'll all have some fun at the end of the days.
i say he knows you best inside.
my love, precious and rare. like a gem among the rest. secured, stable and steady. like a superman. and ohh those long eyelashes..hmmm


Yippee..tml is my "Ding tai Fung" day.. gonna bring my yang to eat the Xiao Long Bao ThErE. i'm sooo addicted to it. yUmmy. let's not freak out for tml Chi ORal. okay is just an oral exam. See.. i always have to get nervous for everything. hmmm... shopping tml =)
And 4th August - Charlie Choco Factory!
sigh.. and i still havent get to watch initial D lAhx -_-"!


cant believe i mixed up the time for my time table.
i went swimming. then i chase a bus jus bcos i thought i was late. luckily i reach home and check. sighh... i could have stayed at the pool longer.
yang studying until so late again. and i am feeling so shagged from yesterdae's jog and swim. but nvm. got to keep fit right?..hmm =)


i am fat.

i need time to prepare all the coursework for my lit retest. fri-chi oral exam. mon- LC exam. tue- lit Retest P8 Thurs- lit retest countrywife and unseen gothic. SEE! a whole Busy studying days awaiting for me.. duhx.


so.. i still feel like shopping on sat. hmmm

got to go sch now-


oooo
i jus love swimming.
school isnt that bad after all. i thought i couldnt cope with it after missing sch for abt a week or more. plus june was really bad. all sick and never well enough to do anything.


and oh i love swimming. and tanning. and swimming.
my day spend with Jo dicussing all abt our future life. hmmm.. this and that. crapping. yap. and abt prom night. instead of going to the prom which is 80 bucks we decided to go clubbing. and maybe i can use that money for another trip with yang.


so then. afternoon met up with Jie for swimming. poor her.. tooth decayed. have to stayed home and she complained it was too boring to stay at home. she rather work. hmmm..then we went shopping. i didnt want to go. i'm too tired but she have to drag me there okay.so end up i spend abt 50 bucks. 40 on a orange baby doll tube dress from Japan..(flower power) and one white racerback frm Baleno(5 bucks-sale) and other five bucks on food.

i almost burst due to too much laughters. my sis can really cheer my day up. silly sister. =) love her so bloody much. sighhh*'


Jiang Jing called. he say no retake for my chinese paper. bravo!
and for my Lit.. i already took 2 paper out of 3. so forget it. i still left one which is absent. i already flunk my g.p got 35/100 -__-" dont know what could be worse already. getting all "F" for midyr? so i took 3 sub. but end up 2 invalid and only one subject maths results i'm getting back. sighhh..
is jus the midyr dont get all worked up.

i'm going swimming now. and catch a movie later. i need a break! really! i've been at home for almost a month. bcos of falling sick. i just want to rest. dont nag at me please.dont ask me to study. is not time yet.


missing..

i missed my fri's exam. i missed's jo's bbq. i missed school.
i wasnt there anymore. i missed my life.

i am sick again. and bloody sick. and the first time experience of admitting to Emergency unit on sat. when i thought i could die. but it couldnt help much. perhaps my digestive system broke down.
now. i missed my last paper for my exam. jus the day when i could enjoy. i am stuck lying on the bed, clutching my stomach. nothing i can do. except sleep and pray i get well soon.

i dont know whats wrong with my life now. i felt so down.... like i couldnt do anything i like. and seperate from anybody's life. i feel dislocated. disorientated. i feel so weak and lousy. but jus some angels could bring that smile back on my face. could make me feel so nice and sweet. i would really thank god that i have you all in my life. yes you.


no matter how depressing, painful to fall sick again and again. how my stomach is tearing apart yet there are still some angels that smooth the aches in my life... best thanks to yang and my er jie and mum too.this 3 who worked too hard to look after me. and thanks to the warmest regards from friends.


sigh..got to lie down now =( gone-